This article is part of The Twelve Days of Doofmas, a daily series of articles on our favorite Christmas films that was released as Bonus Content leading up to Christmas Eve 2019.
When I first pitched the idea of Twelve Days of Doofmas to the group as a fun bit of holidays inspired bonus content, I had it in my head that this would be more of a serious line of articles where our brilliant and incisive Doof minds would explore the Christmas movies we love and why we love them.
That was stupid. I dunno why I thought that. These last 9 days have been absolutely ridiculous and I find myself with a lot of utter nonsense to live up to. Fortunately, I think I have just the film to do it.
Anna and the Apocalypse is a 2017 film directed by John McPhail and written by Alan McDonald and Ryan McHenry. It’s my favorite Christmas movie of the last ten years. It’s also a musical. And a zombie movie. And a high school drama. Frankly, if that isn’t enough to convince you to drop what you’re doing and go watch this movie I think something is wrong with you.
But if you’re somehow on the fence with this one, let me try and convince you in the only way I know how. By breaking down this Scottish Zombie Christmas High School Musical genre element by genre element.
Scottish
Anna and the Apocalypse is a Scottish movie in that it takes place in a small town in Scotland. That’s pretty cool, right? Everyone has really fun accents! Except for the American. Her accent sucks.
Look, I’m gonna be honest, this first one is the weakest part of my argument, but I feel like it matters, somehow. Probably shouldn’t have led with this one.
My name is Scott. That’s gotta be something?
Zombie
Hell yes, let’s talk about the undead. We don’t get a lot of information about where the zombies come from in Anna. Just a brief news report about a virus spreading through the world. But that doesn’t matter; they’re undead zombies. We know this because we see a decapitated zombie head (In a Snowman outfit!) still attempting to chomp away at Anna.
Regardless, Anna and the Apocalypse is great because it’s not just a movie with some zombies in it, but a genuine zombie movie. In the grand tradition of Mr. Romero, the zombies in Anna are used more as a metaphor than anything. In this case, they’re a catalyst for the change to adulthood. Sometimes in order to truly grow up and leave your childhood home town, a zombie has to come in and eat your parents. That’s just life, kids.
Christmas
Anna and the Apocalypse is indeed a Christmas movie. And not like Die Hard where it just takes place during Christmas. We all know that’s bullshit. Anna is a real Christmas movie. It deals fairly directly with the most common themes of the holiday: using death as an excuse to avoid time with family, rampant consumerism (of flesh), and getting chased by a cannibalistic Santa Claus inside a shockingly large Christmas Tree Farm. Also, one of the characters sings a song about how she wants to fuck Santa. That’s a Christmas to me!
Furthermore, the evil headmaster of the high school, aptly named Mr. Savage, is definitely a Scrooge-type. And in the classic Christmas Tradition, he indifferently tries to feed Tiny Tim to the zombies (aka ‘the poor’).
But by far the best part of Anna being a Christmas movie is that it allows for the lead character to wield a surprising durable candy cane weapon. It both stabs and smashes, turning Anna into a Christmas-themed Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I think it’s important that during the holidays we not lose sight of the true meaning of the season: The birth of our lord and savior, Buffy Summers.
High School
Anna and the Apocalypse is clearly a high school movie. It’s got everything: Overbearing parents, evil teachers, a best friend that’s (not so) secretly in love with you, even a fling with the school asshole jock. The movie is basically a Pretty In Pink remake. Only this time Duckie gets bit by a Santa Claus and you have to stab him in the face with a candy cane. Let’s be honest though, we kinda all wanted to do that anyway.
I don’t know why we always return to high school to mine it for drama in our stories. I think there’s just something about that time of our lives, where our emotions just run a little hotter, everything seems like the most important thing in the world, and we have to crush our father’s skull in with a baseball bat. As we age, we forget what it’s like to be a teenager. Films like Anna and the Apocalypse transport us, even briefly, back into that world.
Musical
Anna and the Apocalypse is a musical. This means that when people get really stressed out and emotional they start singing and dancing instead of going to a therapist.
The music in Anna is surprisingly, really good. Besides the aforementioned Santa fucking song, there is a bunch of really catchy pop Broadway musical ballads. You know the Disney Princess “I want” songs where the lead sings all her dreams to the heavens and then settle for the first dude with a castle? Anna’s got one of those too!
The musical numbers in Anna also allow for some tension relief as nobody in a musical is allowed to die while singing. These are rules passed down from the ancients and we cannot break them. Anna could be absolutely surrounded by zombies, but if she starts singtalking about how trapped she feels in this small provincial town, they’ll all just start Thriller dancing along.
My absolute favorite song in the movie though is called “Human Voice.” At about the halfway point, all of the remaining survivors of the zombie apocalypse suddenly start talking (read: singing) about how cell phones and technology are destroying our humanity and how we need to learn to connect person to person again. I think this is a very important musical message in a zombie movie and I appreciate how the characters really take it to heart by talking through their conflict man to zombie.
Well, there you have it. That’s Anna and the Apocalypse, the Scottish Zombie Christmas High School Musical you never knew you needed. It’s each of these things and all of these things. And it actually works. The film is available on Hulu and Amazon Prime streaming right now. Go watch it!
-Scott
